Yadam meets Maggie from Campaign Incorporated
The casual bystander is probably curious where campaigning men throw all their money after watching what occurred in the Iowa Caucus Primary on January 3rd, 2011 and how this money is recycled into the American economy. Luckily, I was able to catch up with a high ranking official at the utterly historic Campaign Incorporated named Maggie O’Hara and she gave me the inside scoop on what fires candidates fuel with all their paper.
Yadam Bross: “So, Miss O’Hara, I’m so glad you could meet with me to show me around Campaign Incorporated today.”
Maggie O’Hara: “Absolutely no problem, Adam and please call me Maggie. You seemed extremely eager and we do not often have people as curious to how we do our business here at Campaign Inc.”
Y.B: “Yes, this is quite a facility you all have put together here.”
M.O: “Yes, we have the best facility and finest crew of anyone working in the campaigning industry; thus, candidates have been using our services for decades. No other campaign organization has had the success rate of us here at Campaign Inc.”
Y.B: “What exactly are the services you offer a candidate in need?”
M.O: “Well, when approached, we are given an estimate by a candidate of how much funding he has acquired and is willing to put forward toward his campaign. We then divvy the funds between what we have called the seven essential areas of proper campaigning.”
Y.B: “What are these seven areas, Maggie?
M.O: “The seven essential areas of proper campaigning are advertising, staff, travel, operations, events, fund raising, and polling. This is in order from what Campaign Inc. has deemed the most money should be spent to where the least is spent.”
Y.B: “So how much do you here at Campaign Inc. deem to divvy to each expanse?”
M.O: “Well, assume we are approached by a presidential candidate who has a $700,000,000 budget. The most expensive area is advertising which would include ads on television, social media, or even tattoos and we usually apportion about 61.5% toward advertising. Thusly, the candidate with a $700,000,000 budget would put forth $430,500,000 toward advertising. From here the areas get hugely less expensive. Next, we have staffing which would be made up of things like a campaign manager and other positions.. This will usually be allocated 9.2% or roughly $64,400,000. Travel, our third most expensive area here at Campaign Incorporated, would take up about 8.6% or $60,200,000. Traveling obviously includes plane costs and rental cars. Fourth on our list are operations, food, offices, and the like. Operations would be divvied 7.7% or $53,900,000. Advancing onward we have events. For example, candidates may hold dances, socials, or rallies. All of these events have costs including renting halls, hiring crew, and buying giant flags which can run up to $1,000 apiece. In total, events are given 4.8% of our attention and are allotted $33,600,000. We’re on the home stretch now, haha! Next we have fund raising for use throughout the campaign. Fund raising includes things like phone calls and direct mailing to contributors. Fund raising requires about 4.2% of a candidate’s funding or $29,400,000 in our example. Finally we have polling. Polling is made up of different hired firms which investigate loyalty of voters and effectiveness of ads. Polling requires the least amount of funding, right around 4% or $28,000,000 exact in our example.”
Y.B: “Wow, you really do have campaigning down to a science here, Maggie.”
M.O: “Yes sir, it is difficult, but through our systematic approach we have been able to help hundreds of candidates be elected to numerous offices. In 2008 we ran both the campaigns of Barack Obama and John McCain and already we have been contacted by Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum Ron Paul, and Newt Gingrich, and Jon Huntsman for our services during the Republican primaries.”
Y.B: “You really are quite the organization. It has been fantastic talking with you, Maggie. I never expected to learn so much about Campaign Incorporated. You’ve really given me some phenomenal inside information.”
M.O: “You’re most welcome, Adam. I hope to see you back here sometime. If interested in our services, one can find information on how to contact us at campaignincorporateddoesnotreallyexist.org or by emailing me at MaggieOhara@campaignincorporateddoesnotreallyexist.org.”
My experience inside Campaign Incorporated was one of the most memorable for this writer. Maggie O’Hara was a fantastic interview and really divvied out the information. Clearly a presidential campaign takes more time and money than anyone would have expected. The $700,000,000 that Maggie’s example would be spreading around in every state he or she visited would be a fantastic boost to the American economy and with President Barack Obama’s campaign this year expected to be about $1 billion, we can only assume the great economic enhancement from presidential campaigns will be seen easily in the coming months as the real race for the Oval Office begins.