There are many words which can be used to describe Ryan Braun at this juncture–narcissist, phony, infant, and piece of s**t spring to my mind–but in the end, Ryan Braun doesn’t even deserve the words I’m about to write about him. Braun bargained with Major League Baseball and earned himself a suspension for the rest of this season. Sure, Braun loses a little bit of coin and is despised by the entire body of Major League fans. He is the new embodiment of the steroid era; surpassing even bulwarks like McGwire, Sosa, Bonds, and A-Rod. Sure, Bonds is thought by some to have “stolen” Hank Aaron’s home run record, but the lack of a positive test and quick wrists make Bonds into more of a G.O.A.T. than a goat. Big Mac and A-Rod have both admitted publicly they doped and in the end their admission and apologies were enough to assuage the anger of fans. Sosa is just a forgotten entity; lost in the Bonds and McGwire shadows. Braun? He’s a lying piece of garbage whose existence in baseball should be forgotten even quicker than Sosa. Pete Rose has been banned from baseball for betting–mostly on his own team–and the lying was what appeared to be the biggest bug-a-boo for the MLB. Now, presented with an even more egregious display of unfathomable mockery of the game, Baseball all but sat on its thumbs as it gave Ryan Braun tantamount to a court case plea bargain. Braun will keep his 2011 MVP unless he returns it under his own power–judging by his stupid hair and clear arrogance, Braun is more likely to rebuke Matt Kemp than hand him the award he deserves–and his stats will be forever kept, asterisk and all. A 65-game suspension, the equivalent of a normal 50-game for a first offense and 15 added because Ryan Braun is a snake and a piece of garbage simultaneously, is all Ryan Braun will have to suffer through. Since the day Braun made a villain of an innocent man charged with taking care of his tainted sample, every sane individual immune to the phony professionalism Braun claimed he exhibited throughout the process has been praying for Braun to be caught again and be punished and forced to deal with the consequences of doping. Here’s Braun, the farcical phony who claims to have “respect for the game of baseball” and claimed the P.E.D.’s in the previous sample “had never entered his body”, facing his overwhelming punishment: not having to play for his basement dwelling Brewers who might be even worse than the Astros (GASP!). It’s scary to think of the Milwaukee kids who idolized their star player. I suppose they can still look at him and style their own “save my own ass” mentality after him; after all, it’s what Braun does best. He’ll sit out his 65-games, but come back and make millions upon millions of dollars next year and his smug little punch-able face will be smirking as he reflects on the way he saved himself from the even harsher chastisement he deserved. Bravo, Ryan. That’s all I have to say about that.