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The Real Top 16

One of the more dreadful weekends in recent college football memory has thankfully passed us.  We now look ahead to the conference schedules for most teams which will tidy up the RT16 quite nicely in the coming weeks.  Away we go.

#16 Baylor, 4-0 (def UL Monroe 70-7): Baylor easily could have dropped over 100 in this game.  The Big 12 is always worse than people assume it is, but Baylor’s offense has looked high powered enough to outscore many of the teams around the country…granted against faceless teams named Wofford, Buffalo, and UL Monroe, but the schedule is barely any worse than Oregon’s.  In the Big 12, Baylor can easily go undefeated because no one plays defense.

#15 Oklahoma State, 3-0 (BYE): Playing at West Virginia this week is not the tough test the naive might assume, but let’s not pussyfoot around here because Okie State needs some kind of test to prove itself REAL.  The Big 12 is going to fade quickly on itself, but the Cowboys and the above Bears are the two teams with offensive staying power which is always the calling card of the nation’s most high flying conference year-in-year-out.

#14 Northwestern, 4-0 (def. FCS Northeast 35-21): It was not the blowout victory Northwestern was expecting, but hey a tune-up is a tune-up.  A bye week and then the Wildcats most important game of the season is upon us as the Buckeyes visit Evanston.

#13 Miami Florida, 4-0 (def. Savannah State 77-7): It was “Pick your favorite blowout” for much of the RT16 this week as the Canes partied like it was 2001 all over again.  The Canes had their 77 before the fourth quarter began AND Stephen Morris left with a minor ankle injury in the first segment.  It is not expected to be serious as hilariously poor South Florida welcomes The U this weekend.

#12 Louisville, 4-0 (def. Florida International 72-0): It’s a slippery slope for the Cards whose remaining schedule lacks not only an AP Top 25 team (like who the hell cares?), but no RT16 teams either.  Central Florida and Cincinnati are the only two tricky contests in sight and unless Louisville shits down its own leg in those ball games, the Cards should have absolutely zero issues making it to 12-0 this season and earn the unbearable automatic-bid from the horrid American Athletic.

#11 UCLA, 3-0 (def. New Mexico St. 59-13): Like I said, pick your favorite blowout.  It was one of the most special moments we’ll see in college football this season as the Bruins ran their first play with 10 men on the field to honor Nick Pasquale.

#10 Ohio State, 4-0 (def. Florida A&M 76-0): Ohio State and Louisville (our resident “Help Wanted” participants) racked up more points than competition FIU and FA&M did total yards…ouch.  Maybe Brax on Brax returns this week?  Or many Smooth Jazz will attempt to become the most prolific Buckeye backup in history as Wisconsin visits in the biggest game for Ohio State concerning a berth in the Big 10 Championship game.  PLUS KANYE IS IN COLUMBUS ON FRIDAY?!?  YEEZUS!!

#9 Florida State, 3-0 (def. Bethune-Cookman 54-6): The Seminoles are doing just fine as they gear up for conference play like so many others.

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It’s halftime, my dearest readers.  Let’s all take a break, grab some water, eat a sandwich, and read some more!  This week I respond a little to the reading I assigned you last week.  Oklahoma State has been rocked with such a notorious scandal that everyone has already forgotten about it.  The already flailing condemnations are about as common these days as a Michigan blowout and the heinous story lines have already faded to Sovngarde.  My response?  Thank you everything that is holy!  I know how interesting the story was and there is no need to preach to me on the disturbing and damning crimes committed by Oklahoma State, but as Johnny Ca$h smirks with pen tucked behind his ear college football fans are growing increasingly bored of the scandals in the sport.  Fans no longer care as much that players are receiving illegal benefits and the media is realizing the numbing the nonstop tirade of the NCAA sith and the ESPN bureaucracy have instilled on the public.  College football connoisseurs don’t want to hear about Ca$h accepting money for autographs.  We just want to sit back and watch Manziel run around and be the most exciting player of this century.  We’re tired of hearing about the cash given and ready to watch the praise earned on the field.  The NCAA is a joke and the entire body of college football fans is aware, but the evil empire has continued it’s fight against the terror which is athletes getting paid.  The NCAA’s apparent ownership of the players it profits from is as nonsensical as why Mark May still has a job at ESPN and is only still relevant in the mind of college football fans because of what a farce it is.  We’re tired of the “scandals” and the never ending hypocrisy of the NCAA being about the athlete…sorry, the student-athlete.  It’s the season and no one wants to hear anything about this and that and those and these.  All the college football fan wants to do is sit back on a Saturday and watch the amazing athletes…sorry, student-athletes perform their craft.  And all for their own good and the profit of the NCAA and the Universities which have placed a monopoly on the players’ own names.

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#8 Stanford, 3-0 (def. Arizona State 42-28): You won’t see a more dominant performance than the first half by the Cardinal over the weekend.  Stanford rockets up the RT16.  The Pac-12 is looking like a possible challenger to the incessant SEC domination over the college football world and Stanford is one of the heavyweights the conference needs to keep playing at an outstandingly high level the rest of the way.  You know how the SEC seems to just rip itself apart year after year?  The Pac-12’s three best teams are all in the North the year.

#7 Washington, 3-0 (def. FCS West 56-0): The Huskies offense appears to be Turnt up for Pac-12 play…but offense is definitely not the concern for this bunch.  One of the most difficult four game stretches any team faces this season begins this upcoming weekend against Arizona and Washington will have no mercy until escaping Tempe, Arizona on October 19th…Just your classic HAHA four game stretch, right?

#6 Texas A&M, 3-1 (def. SMU 42-13): I said the Over/Under could have neared 100…Good thing I don’t work for the Vegas sharks because I’d need a new identity right about now.  Johnny Ca$h was solid as every and the A&M offense has put up 40+ in the first four games of the season for the first time in program history.  That streak should continue with a visit to Ar-KANSAS this weekend and Bret Bielema’s wife.

#5 Albuhmuh, 3-0 (def. Colorado State 31-6): There is winning 31-6 and then there is the way Buhmuh looked in a 31-6 win.  This was not the Katherine Webb brand of 31-6 wins…more like the wart on the bottom of my foot type of 31-6 wins.  Buhmuh’s offense better get into gear because one of these days this type of play will get the Tide rolled.

#4 Clemson, 4-0 (def. NC State 26-14): Clemson had me scored Thursday night.  Remind me to never fiddle with the spread again because I is gonna get burnt.  The Tigers offense never seemed completely ‘Nsync, but the defense held strong.  Never underestimate winning on the road, in-conference…but this was scary close against not nearly the best team Clemson will see in the ACC this season…oh and South Carolina.

#3 Georgia, 2-1 (def. North Texas 45-21): Special teams miscues allowed the MEAN GREEN to hang around longer than needed, but Georgia was never out of control of this game.  The Dawgs were not as impressive as other teams…but that’s what playing host to LSU, not North Texas, is for.

#2 Louisiana State, 4-0 (def. Auburn 35-21): Wanna talk about never being out of control?  The Tigers made the other Tigers look silly.  Sure, it was night time in the “Real” Death Valley, so Auburn was behind the 8-ball before the game ever began…and then it started to rain.  Say what you want about the conditions favoring LSU, no one likes playing in the rain and LSU still looked fast and furious in the maelstrom.  I’m getting a little more excited for a LSU-Oregon National Championship.

#1 Oregon, 3-0 (BYE): The Ducks offense ran up the score on the defense this week.  Reportedly the defense coordinator and the offense coordinator shared mutually aggressive and incendiary handshake following practice.

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