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The Real Top 16

Talk about a shakeup…we might not see quite the fluctuation you all witnessed in the AP Poll, but we certainly have some movement thanks to the SEC continuing to eat itself for breakfast.  Get ready for the rodeo!

#16 Nebraska 6-1 (BYE): The huskers of corn benefited from their bye week as last week I had them slightly outside the RT16.  If you recall, Nebraska’s only loss came thanks to a second half thumping by the motivated University of California Los Angeles Bruins in the wake of the Nick Pasquale tragedy.  Since, the Ears have a 32 point margin of victory against FCS powerhouse South Dakota State and Big Ten opponents Illinois and Purdue.  The Illini thrashing is the most impressive of the three victories, but the Corners have the “meat” of their Big Ten slate in sight with Michigan State, Michigan, and Penn State looming.

#15 Central Florida, 5-1 (def. Louisville 38-35): We were all over this one, weren’t we, loyal readers?  Mocked and beaten down by our compatriots, we stood tall and had the last laugh, congrats!  No time to celebrate, because the Knights are on the fast track to a BCS Bowl that for some reason the American Conference Champion attends.  Rutgers and Houston provide the two most “intriguing” tests.  Except little mayhem for Central Florida from this point onward.

#14 Wisconsin, 5-2 (def. Illinois 56-32): Wisconsin has established itself as the premiere second level team in the Big Ten…and that group is far more clustered than we imagined it being at season’s beginning.  The Badgers would likely take home the crown of Big Ten Champion again against the weaker “Legends” division, But for Ohio State.  The Badgers will likely settle for a berth in the Capital One Bowl, but the season is not lost here in the REAL World where the Big Ten is going respect almost as quickly as in the AP Poll.

#13 Auburn, 6-1 (def. Texas A&M 45-41): It was inevitable that Johnny Ca$h would watch as his defense gave up way too many points.  Auburn is an offensive nightmare at times, and holds the title of eighth best rushing team in the country (better than 300 yards per game (300.1)).  The SEC hammered itself this weekend, but Auburn only did itself favors…although Ole Miss likely cost the Tigers an even higher place in the RT16.

#12 Louisiana State, 6-2 (lost Ole Miss 24-27): What happened to Zach Mettenberger?  He trashed my dreams of an Oregon-LSU National Championship and now I’m forced to wallow in pity…except there is always Oregon-Florida State, right?  The entire LSU offense looked downright Alabuhmuh Week 1 esque including Ham’s 3 interceptions.  The Tigers manage to keep a spot in the RT16…we, as universal Buckeye fans, can only pray for five yards and a cloud of dust when the Tigers visit Tuscaloosa real soon.

#11 Virginia Tech, 6-1 (BYE): Virginia Tech continues to laugh at avoiding FSU and Clemson this year in conference play.  With still only a mud fight with Buhmuh marring the perfect record, the Hokies have won ugly so many times I’m beginning to question my sanity having these bros at eleven…the best number in the history of ever.  Fun fact, the last loss by a #11 in the RT16 was South Carolina in Week 2.  Anyway, Va-Tech is in a little bit of a sticky situation with an underrated Duke team visiting this weekend…keep your eyes peeled, Hokies.

#10 UCLA, 5-1 (lost Stanford 10-24): UCLA got Oregon-ed by Stanford this year.  The offense was supposed to be a poor man’s version of the Ducks and it looked both poor and womanly in the loss to Stanford, racking up only 266 total yards over the course of the game.  Brett “Lee Corso’s pick to go #1 in the NFL Draft” Hundley looked rather God awful.  Luckily for the Bruins everyone else lost to far worse teams.

#9 Stanford, 6-1 (def. UCLA 24-10): Utah’s loss hurt any further leapfrogging for the Redwoods…or trees, I don’t know what type.  Stanford makes the most triumphant return the RT16 has ever know, but keep your eyes on Corvallis this weekend.  Don’t doubt it until the game hits 00:00, Stanford fans.  The Cardinal are officially on upset alert.

It’s half time.  I had something I really wanted to talk about, but I completely blanked on what it was.  Did you guys see the targeting ejection called on Ohio State’s Bradley Roby this past weekend?  Everyone always says “We’re out to make the game safer” and then the immediate reply is “I’m all for making the game safe….but”.  But what?  But it’s ridiculous, right?  Roby goes shoulder pad to shoulder pad with a guy weighing forty pounds more than he and that’s targeting?  Players have a right to fear for their safety, but they should do it from the sideline where there’s no opportunity to get pile-driven into the ground by a mad defensive back.  I’m staying away from cliches like “Football is a dangerous game” and “They might as well play flag football” because they don’t hit the main point of what this entire argument is circling around.  Everyone gets freaked out at the NCAA and NFL for their targeting violations and personal fouls, but the NCAA and NFL are currently being obliterated by law suits over the effects of a football career.  The players are the ones who have caused this nonsensical shift from “Football is a violent game” to “They might as well play flag football”.  Players seem to have forgotten all the cliches and suddenly believed they were entitled to benefits because they played a sport which causes injuries…hundreds of injuries.  If you’re playing professional football and don’t expect to get hurt you’d better be a kicker or punter.  The world knows football causes brain damage and that ilk.  So if you’re worried about getting a brain injury from playing football then don’t play.  A simple solution, I know, after all these players need to eat and feed their families and football is sometimes their greatest God given gift…well you understand the risks involved, so don’t complain about the risks if you aren’t willing to stray away from the game.  That seemed like enough of rant.

#8 Miami Florida 7-0 (def. North Carolina 27-23): What is it about the ACC and close games against terrible teams on the road on Thursday night?  North Carolina has looked about as much a threat as Pusheen, but the Hurricanes nearly let the Tar Heels kick them off the list.  Wake Forest can only knock The U down on this list, so they better not overlook the horrible Demoned Deacons with the biggest game since the Larry Coker era looming against Florida State in the Doak on November 2nd.

#7 Missouri 7-0 (def. Florida 36-17): If you knew anything about Maty Mauk or Florida then this win did not surprise/impress you as much as the people in Vegas and at ESPN.  Florida is pretty damn awful and LSU’s loss this weekend only continues to reinforce that point I’ve been making all season.  The Tigers have taken over the driver seat in the SEC East and can all but clinch with a victory against South Carolina this weekend.  Expect Maty Mauk, the two time Gatorade High School Player of the Year, to ravage a Gamecock secondary which was pedestrian versus Tennessee’s appalling pass offense this past week.  I don’t see any reason why Mizzou should lose this week, especially with Connor Shaw out.

#6 Clemson, 6-1 (lost Florida State 14-51): How does a team lose by 37 at home in the biggest game the program has seen since Nam and not drop in the RT16?  The Tigers have LSU’s loss to Ole Miss, Miami screwing the pooch against North Carolina, and my opinion of Florida’s team to thank for their stagnation.  With Georgia’s free-fall, the Tigers lack a signature win this season.  South Carolina and Maryland are on the way down at this juncture as well, so we may see Clemson embarking on it’s own trip downward relatively soon.

#5 Baylor, 7-0 (def. Iowa State 71-7): The return of the Baylor Blowout comforts Bears fans for a moment.  If you look around the Big 12, you’ll notice a lot of teams with high powered passing offenses and absolutely obscenely terrible pass defenses.  If you consider Baylor, Texas Tech, and Oklahoma State as the best contenders for the Big 12 Crown (even though Texas is quietly undefeated in conference play), then you’d probably like to know Baylor boasts the BY FAR the best rushing attack of the three (more YPG other two combined, in fact with 300.3 compared to 268.2 (136.5+131.7))  and the best margin of victory.  What I’m trying to get at is that these teams all play the game the same way…Baylor just does it better.

#4 Ohio State, 7-0 (def. Iowa 34-24): The secondary continues to be of concern to Buckeyes throughout the nation, but the Bucks are still sitting pretty at 19-0.  An undefeated Baylor team makes me nervous because of how overrated the Big 12 is compared to the Big Ten, but we won’t fret too much at this point.  Ohio State’s handling of Wisconsin continues to look better each week and the Bucks still maintain a better computer rating than the Bears.

#3 Alabuhmuh, 7-0 (def. arKANSAS 52-0): So when I keep saying I distrust A.J.T.J. and the offense, I’m joking, okay?  Not in the least bit, but the Tide are absolutely BOWLING over the competition…absolutely pulverized you guys with that misdirection.  Suddenly the Iron Bowl in Auburn, Auburn is looking like the toughest test on the calendar, but I haven’t given up hope on an LSU upset.  This week is the fourth Saturday in October so the Tide will play their yearly squabble against Tennessee; mysteriously named “The Third Saturday in October”.  Despite my trust in the Vols as a dog, don’t put the Tide on upset alert.

#2 Oregon, 7-0 (def. Wazzu 62-38): Oregon is terrible.  The Ducks can’t even beat a simple -40 spread these days.  I’ve definitely given up on them as my REAL Champions for 2013-2014…..wait, I absolutely am being entirely too sarcastic for my own self to understand the completely bullshittery of what I had just typed.  Oregon will be fine…I mean they threw a 62 spot on the board, right?  UCLA-BYE-Stanford could leave us with the Ducks back at the #1 spot.

#1 Florida State 7-0 (pillaged Clemson): The Seminoles taught the Tigers an absolute lesson this past weekend.  I mean I haven’t seen a mauling like this since I played FCS West on NCAA 2013 with my stacked UMass team in year 2025 of the dynasty.  That actually happened.  Nonetheless, Florida State appears unbeatable at this point.  Their combined game scores against ranked opponents this season is 114-14.  Holla at’cha REAL National Champions 2013 style!


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