The Real Top 16
Well, here we are, boys and girls. Suddenly Baylor seems poised to jump OSU in the phony BCS standings and Florida State and Buhmuh are on a collision course for Pasadena. All rise!
#16 Michigan State, 9-1 (def. Nebraska 41-28): Welcome to realness, Michigan State! As embarrassing as a loss to Tommy Rees is in this era of college football, Michigan State has only that blemish on its resume. It would seem to be a longtime coming the MSU was REAL, but the back-to-back wins over Meeeshigan and Corn-city were the first impressive victories on the year. The year is far from over for Jonny Gomes and company, as they travel to play suddenly the worst team in the Big 10 Northwestern and then welcome Minnesota to Sparta.
#15 Central Florida, 8-1 (def. Temple 39-36): Let’s all just take a deep breath and watch that catch by J.J. Worten over and over and over again.
#14 Louisiana State, 7-3 (BYE): LSU gets jumped by a few teams this week after chilling in the cool, not tornado-ridden air of Baton Rouge. The Tigers welcome Johnny Ca$h to town this weekend in a make or break game for the kid’s back-to-back Heisman chances…will LSU be a 4 loss REAL team? Only time can tell.
#13 Oklahoma State, 9-1 (def. Texas 38-13): Fudge…remember my pick to win the Big 12? Well it wasn’t Oklahoma State. The Cowboys become another resume buttress for the godforsaken Baylor Bears after beating Texas this week. I’m trying to keep myself aware that the Big 12 is so top heavy and those teams aren’t good enough to warrant a sniff of the National Title game…it’s an ordeal, but hopefully someone can prove me right come January.
#12 Missouri, 9-1 (BYE): Mizzeruh also took the week off, but jumped LSU for obvious reasons, Texas for losing, and Central Florida for looking like shit against a one win Temple team. Now things get REAL for Missouri as the “control your own destiny” thing is really only a good label if Vanderbilt, Kentucky, or Tennessee were left on the schedule. Playing at Ole Miss and home against Johnny Ca$h seems like a pretty terrible “control your own destiny” situation for a team hoping to be the East’s sacrificial lamb to Bama in the SEX-IEST Championship Game in December.
#11 Stanford, 8-2 (lost USC 17-20): I was a little embarrassed for Stanford watching this game. Ben Hogan is looking far less the game manager he did for all those starts he won last year and early this year. Suddenly he’s trying to be a playmaking Quarterback and that isn’t the formula which has been successful for Stanford or Hogan since he took over at the helm. The Cardinal are bolstered by the Oregon win from last week and the early season dominance of Arizona State, but may start slipping and sliding should the teams behind them pick up a few good wins. #Utah #NeverForget
#10 Wisconsin, 8-2 (def. Indiana 51-3): The Badgers being #19 in the AP is an honest to God sham job. Wisconsin has looked as impressive as anyone since losing to Ohio State in October and should be 9-1 if the umpire hadn’t cost them the win AT Arizona State way back in the day. Now the Badgers can finish out the season by throttling overachieving Minnesota team and floundering Penn State en route to a 10 win season and become a BCS hopeful…no fears on missing out on a REAL BCS game, Bucky.
#9 UCLA, 8-2 (def. Washington 41-31): A win over Washington is a win over Washington…even at 6-4 the Husky’s are a good team and my favorites. UCLA gets to do a little climbing with the victory and now has its sights set on a rematch with Stanford Oregon in the Pac-12 Championship. Don’t get too far ahead of yourself, UCLA! Your best competition (Arizona “We control our own destiny because ESPN mandates this phrase must be used every time a team controls its own destiny” State and USC) in the next two weeks. When was the last time the UCLA-USC rivalry had the possibility of being this meaningful? I think when UCLA was 5-6 back in 2011.
It’s halftime. I’d like to take this opportunity to talk about the anniversary of one of the greatest moments in sports history. It comes from College Gameday, back before it was #AmericasFavoriteDrinkingGame. The day was November 19th, the location was Houston, Texas, the guest picker was the great Carl Lewis, and the phrase of the day across America was “Ah, Fuck it”. Only divine intervention can be thanked for such a glorious moment as Lee Corso tossed aside the Southern Methodist microphone in favor of the Houston Cougar mascot head. The resulting reactions only crescendo moving from left to right. Carl Lewis applauds the clear breach of FCC regulation, Chris Fowler puts his head down in shame, and Kirk Herbstreit just about loses control of his bodily functions. This moment seemed to be the reward for the countless hours of loyalty we have put in watching Gameday and will forever live on as perhaps television’s greatest moment.
#8 Texas A&M, 8-2 (BYE): Johnny is preparing for his finale (I mean he is going pro…right?) and boy does he have one. Texas A&M has an opportunity to pick up the best final two wins of seasons of any team in the nation. The Aggies have Louisiana State and Mizzeruh left on the menu and that leaves two more opportunities for Ca$h to prove he’s the rightful owner of a second straight Heisman and Texas A&M to prove it is worthy of a REAL BCS bowl game. Engage.
#7 Clemson, 9-1 (def. Georgia Tech 55-31): Absolutely no Clemson ridiculous loss this season? It would appear the Tigers are just about out of the woods on that front. A loss to the Citadel would certainly qualify and even though Citadel IS THE BEST TEAM IN THE HISTORY OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL AND WILL FOREVER KICK FURMAN’S PHANNIES DAY IN AND DAY OUT, Clemson should be fine. South Carolina would not really be a trademark Clemson terrible loss, it might knock Dabo and Company from the rank of the REAL BCS tier.
#6 Auburn, 10-1 (def. Georgia 43-38): Just go ahead and watch the end of this game one more time and continue to wonder how Georgia could have in anyway managed to not only give up the fourth and 18, but it ended up in a touchdown. Auburn seems to just have this weird inability to be knocked from the current juggernaut status……oh and if you haven’t noticed, Auburn’s has only one game………………………………………and it’s against Buhmuh.
#5 Baylor, 10-0 (def. Texas Tech 63-34): Baylor is getting a lot of hype from around the nation for this win…after all they beat a barely above average Texas Tech team by twenty-nine points. You’re probably wondering, “Are you anti-Baylor?” And to that I say absolutely not my dear readers. Baylor has something special going this year. I’m actually just “Anti-Big 12” and have been my entire life. The Big 12 is a conference with four or five decent teams and then six horrendous teams which help to give teams like Baylor, Texas Tech, Oklahoma State, et al have tantalizing points against totals. Baylor has an incredible offense and it will likely lead them to a Big 12 championship, but I think it would behoove everyone to take a step back.
#4 Oregon 9-1 (def. Utah 44-21): Another Oregon loss to the spread? I’m embarrassed. The Ducks are back on track to the Pac-12 Championship Game after all they CONTROL THEIR OWN GODDAMN DESTINY! Go Oregon…woo…
#3 Ohio State, 10-0 (def. Illinois 60-35): Ohio State looked pretty miserable at points against Illinois, but the world seemed to forget they still won the game by four scores. It takes a little more than luck to go on the road and beat a team giving you its best shot and Ohio State did that with a little flair and a little bit of feeding the horse. The Buckeyes were not as impressive this week as week’s past and not as impressive as some other teams, but the AP dropping the Bucks to #4 behind Baylor is a little silly since OSU started at #2 in the AP. Baylor and Ohio State have opportunities to prove who deserves to be #3….but how much does that matter?
#2 Alabuhmuh, 10-0 (def. Mississippi 20-7): The Iron Bowl is coming.
#1 Florida State, 10-0 (def. Syracuse 59-3): Syracuse was supposed to be the “best defense Florida State has played all year”…that didn’t go well.