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Picks Against the Spread: Week 15


Game Spread Pick Info
#16 Central Florida @ SMU Even UCF I’m not really too hyped about UCF at this point.  There is good news and bad news for Cincinnati natives like myself: if UCF loses and Cincy wins the Bearcats are going to a BCS Bowl!  How neat is that?  UCF is now 7-4 against the spread on the year.  All four of those loses have come as a double figure favorite and UCF is 2-0 as a dog or even spread…so why not?  It’s almost like win-win.
#13 Michigan State vs #2 Ohio State Bucks -5.5 OSU I picked against MSU last week and won, right?  Michigan State is 7-4-1 against the spread this year.  The one tie came in the Spartans only loss…I don’t think it is possible to tie a spread on a half, so I’m just rounding up to taking the Bucks.  Ohio State has lost the last 3 against the spread this year, but I have confidence the explosive offense will trump the MSU defense much like OSU defense was often thumped by SEC schools in the past.
#11 Baylor vs Texas Baylor -15 Texas So it would seem Baylor has fallen into the same soul trap as Oregon.  The loss hangover has the Bears forgetting their identity.  Well, just in time for a Texas team which still has an outside shot at the BCS Bowl berth should they beat Baylor and Okie State loses.  Baylor has the same shot if they win….basically both teams are weirdly fond of Oklahoma this week.
#10 Mizzeruh vs #T3 Auburn Aub -2.0 Mizzou So you want to play for a National Title, do you?  I’m picking the Tigers to pull off a minor league upset.  The talk around the nation has Auburn more concerned with the polls and Ohio State than Missouri…and I’m just also not convinced with this Auburn team; after all, they’re a couple of miracles away from a possible 9-3 record.  These are both huge surprises, but someone’s magical season has to end and Auburn has used up most of its good fortune.
#9 Stanford @ #8 Arizona State ASU -3.0 Push I have no idea if I’m allowed to push, but I am.  It gives me one helluva lot less chance of being right, but I’m honestly taking Arizona State (to quote my good friend Lee Corso) by a field goal.  Stanford pummeled ASU in Palo Alto earlier this year, but not so fast my friend.  Arizona State has been has had a little luck at home this year…ask Wisconsin.
#7 Oklahoma State vs Oklahoma Okie St. -9.5 Okie State Okie State is 8-2 against the spread and a miscellaneous unregistered spread against UTSA.  They haven’t lost since Kansas State in week 6.  Oklahoma isn’t very good.  The clear pick is Oklahoma State much to the chagrin of Baylor and Texas.
#1 Florida State vs Duke FSU -29 Duke Since I’m not a soft ass b***h, I made this pick Terrelle Pryor to the announcement about Jameis Winston tomorrow…but picked Duke anyway.  Florida State should roll Duke, hence a 29 point spread in conference championship game, but I don’t think Duke will go down without a fight…Florida State has lost against the spread in perhaps the most unlikely game this year: Boston College…aside from that they haven’t though.

Every Other Game


Game Spread Pick Info
Louisville @ Cincinnati UL -3.5 Louisville I’m not taking the time to stat check all these games.  Louisville should be a far better team than a UC squad which was Scheelhaased earlier this year.
Bowling Green vs Northern Illinois n. IL -3.5 N. Illinois Jordan Lynch for Heisman?  Pending Jameis Winston’s status as a raper.
Marshall vs Rice Marsh -4.5 Rice I have a very, very, very, very, very, very weak connection to Rice: a girl who is one of my friends has knows a guy who is studying there to be a doctor and I talked to him on the phone while drunk once…Go Owls!
Memphis @ UConn Even Memphis This is about the saddest game I’ve seen since Texans-Jaguars on Thursday Night Football…who ever though the Jags would be considered the trendy pick in that puppy?
South Florida @ Rutgers Rutgers -6.0 Rutgers As a future Big Ten member, you’d better be able to squash South Florida into the ground, Rutgers.  If not, I’ll throw basketballs at your players again.
Lafayette @ South Buhmuh USA -3.0 ULL You’re putting the spread against my boys the Cajun Cajuns?  I’m going to have to have words with this spread creator.
Utah State @ Fresno State Fresno -3.0 Fresno I have a hard time picking against one of my most favorite named Quarterbacks Chuckie Keeton, but it’s just that Fresno State is more than three points better than Utah State.

Today’s Topic: 12/2/2013

Welcome to the war.  I’m trying to make this blog a bigger part of my life.  My friends say impossible, but then I remember I don’t have any friends.  This is the first of the new piece “Today’s Topic”.  As you may have noticed, there is much debate over the 2013 National Championship Game.  Auburn or Ohio State?  That “SPORTSCENTER CENTERPIECE” is also the issue faced by the braintrust today.


Auburn Makes Its Case:

We’re from America’s SEX-iest conference.  The SEC has been the best ever since Vince Young and the amazing Rose Bowl of 2005…and what did the SEC just do?  Made you forget how unforgettable the ending to that ball game was!  Did you see the Iron Bowl?  Our spectacular ending was clearly more important than Ohio State’s!  I mean we played the #1 team in the nation which has won 3 of the last 4 National Championships.  Forget the SEC recent dynasty, that one is far more impressive…and we beat Buhmuh!  We have only one loss to a renowned SEC powerhouse in Louisiana State ON THE ROAD and have beaten, aside from Buhmuh, Georgia, Texas A&M, Ole Miss, and Tennessee!  Who has Ohio State beaten?  Wisconsin?  Michigan?  Buffalo?  Northwestern?  These are teams the SEC plays early in the year to pick up a most basic dubba-yuh.  You can say all you want about “24-0” and that jazz, but how many wins have come against even decent teams?  Twice against Wisconsin, one against Nebraska, and…who else?  Sure it’s not easy to go undefeated, but it’s even harder to have one loss against real teams.  The Big Ten are glorified farm boys trying on football pads for the first time.  I’d rather play a Big Ten team than have to match up against any of the known SEC “bottom feeders”.  We’re the best team from the best conference.  Ask any Heisman voter, the best of the best gets all the glory.  Besides, our athletic director thinks we should go…so we should, right?  Hahaha.

Ohio State Makes Its Case:

So you’re from the SEC?  I get it, we’re 0-7 against the SEC in our last seven tries, but we’re an entirely different team now.  We’ve been built like an SEC team.  Haven’t you noticed?  Just as your conference was 7-0 against a Big Ten style Ohio State, an SEC-style Ohio State is 16-0 against the Big Ten and when we beat Michigan State (ranked 10th in the BCS, by the way), we’ll be 17-0 and 5-0 against ranked opponents.  Unfortunately, our case isn’t made by talking about ourselves too much; after all, we can’t win if we start talking about beating Wisconsin and Michigan as you have already mentioned.  We have to talk about you.  First off, have you noticed how similar we are, Auburn?  We have the same style of play.  The only difference is our Quarterback has NFL caliber throwing strength and accuracy compared to your former defensive back.  If you’re team is so great, what makes you think our better offense couldn’t have beaten those heavyweights?  Because of the logo on our 25-yard line?  Also, you talk about how great you schedule is.  Not only is your schedule not unbelievably stronger than ours (38th compared to 63rd), but your “best wins” aside from Bama have combined for 13 losses (A&M, Georgia, Ole Miss).  Oh, that’s also 13 more losses than we have this year.  I guess all I have to say is your Iron Bowl and “Prayer in Jordan-Hare” proved is how difficult it is to win…we’ve done it every game this year.

From the Braintrust:

So here we stand, the braintrust made up of one blogger.  There are people all over the country arguing for Auburn or Ohio State.  Ohio State hasn’t played anyone…but they’ve beaten everyone.  Ohio State has earned the right to play in the National Championship Game by going 12-0, just as Florida State has.  The problem revolves around the lack of those teams “SEC” logo on the 25-yard line.  Both Florida State and Ohio State have benefited from weaker schedules than their SEC counterparts, but thanks to Florida State’s overall dominance, Ohio State has become the goat.  I don’t want to claim I’m all knowing or that I have he answers because no one does.  Only when the polls are out after this Saturday will anything be decided.

So, while you all have opinions and will undeniably disagree with me, here’s what I have to say.  Ohio State has earned the right to play in the National Title game by going undefeated.  There is a lot of drama contributed by putting Auburn 3rd this week.  Perhaps Auburn jumps Ohio State next week.  How dramatic, right?  It wouldn’t be dramatic if Auburn was already second.  The fact of the matter is that Auburn’s resume is not as impressive as the SEX-iest believers might believe.  Only two things can be drawn from the SEC this year: either the SEC is down or the rest of the country isn’t quite as bad as many have stated.  The eye test would tell us the SEC hasn’t looked great in any fashion.  This includes Buhmuh on a neutral site against a God awful Virginia Tech team.  Someone has to be watching and think “Maybe these teams who look dominant against Chattanooga and the ilk aren’t as phenomenal as we think this year.”  Auburn was 0-8 in conference last year, remember?  Many hail it as a great turnaround….maybe the SEC isn’t quite as good as you think.  Ohio State deserves a shot at the National Title.  If Notre Dame deserved a chance because of the NOTRE DAME brand last year; why doesn’t Ohio State, a team built on speed and offensive explosiveness, doesn’t earn the same chance?  Is it because Florida State isn’t in the SEC?  Because last year we already had an SEC team and this year we have an ACC team playing?  Was last season’s 1-loss Oregon so much less dominant over Notre Dame than Auburn is over Ohio State this year that the Ducks were rightfully placed in the Rose Bowl against Wisconsin?  I don’t understand the perception people have of Ohio State.  Ohio State is undefeated playing the only schedule they are allowed to play.  I hope there is a day when the SEC and Ohio State can play a neutral site game, but the SEC prefers to rest on its conference laurels and schedule horribly outside the conference.  Alabama’s game against Va-Tech and Georgia’s game against Clemson were exceptions, not rules.  Look at LSU, Texas A&M, AUBURN.  They played just as awful as non-conference schedules as Ohio State.  Give Ohio State’s its due.  Some believe Ohio State will go to Pasedena and get slaughtered rather Florida State or Auburn or Missouri or whomever is waiting.  If this is true, let’s watch the slaughter because Ohio State is the team who deserves to go play in the National Championship Game.  If Auburn can go and win the Sugar Bowl then more power to them too.  We’re wrong again.  Oh well…it happens all the time, right?  That’s where the BCS sucks, right?  Wrong.  The beauty of the BCS system is every game counts.  Even games against LSU in the middle of the year.  Because Auburn lost early, suddenly they deserve a title shot.  Ohio State has played the BCS System correctly.  They have won every game and that’s what the BCS system appreciates.  It doesn’t appreciate the best team (probably Buhmuh).  It doesn’t appreciate blowing out every opponent (Florida State).  It doesn’t appreciate last second victories (Auburn).  Auburn messed up the moment the clock hit 00:00 and it was down 21-35.  Look, no one here is saying Ohio State is a better team than Auburn (although based on what one has seen as the Bucks are like a little bit better offensive Auburn with a little worse defense…so there really isn’t any reason to believe Ohio State couldn’t beat Auburn).  All I’m saying is Ohio State has earned the opportunity to prove it belongs in the National Title more than Auburn has earned the opportunity.  If Ohio State is proven to be worthless and doesn’t deserve the chance…fine, give the Bucks and myself shit then.  Don’t do it before anything has been proven……………..Oh and we don’t even know what the scene will be following the Championship Games this weekend.

Picks Against the Spread: Week 13


Game Spread Pick Info
#16 Michigan State @ Northwestern MSU -7 Sparta! Michigan State is 6-3-1 against the spread this season and that tie resulted in the team’s only loss this season.  Michigan State has never lost a spread when favored by less than 10 points.  Northwestern has been falling harder than Jake Lloyd’s film career.  MSU has shown it can score a little bit as of late and I think they’ll only need 21 or so to beat this spread.
#15 Central Florida vs Rutgers UCF -17.5 UCF Despite my UCF pick losing to Temple against the spread last week, I also watched Rutgers get absolutely pounded by a very average Cincinnati team.  It really took me back to Cincinnati getting Scheelhaased in week 2.  UCF is still 6-3 against the spread, although all three losses have come as double figure favorites (Memphis, Houston, Temple)
#14 LSU vs #8 Texas A&M LSU -4.5 Texas A&M I’ll definitely throw away the four and half on this one.  LSU allowed Buhmuh to hang a 38 spot on the scoreboard, so there is no reason to expect Johnny Ca$h to put up less…the biggest x-factor is how many points can America’s third favorite fast food restaurant chain put up for his own team against the lackluster A&M defense…my brain thingy tells me not enough.
#13 Oklahoma State vs #5 Baylor Baylor -10.0 Okie State I’m not even sure who to pick in this one…this is a really tough spread for this game, so Vegas did its M.F. job.  It should be really high scoring which will always favor Baylor, but this is the first test for the Bears on the road.  Something smells a little fishy, but I think Baylor pulls out the win….Okie State gets the check.
#12 Mizzeruh @ Ole Miss Mizzou -2.5 Mizzou It obviously doesn’t, but to me a spread of -2.5 or less is asking “Do you think this team will win the game?”  I know teams can win by 1 or 2, but I just feel it doesn’t happen very often.  I can probably get the Elias Sports Bureau to help me out, but if Pollack won’t respond to me, why should they?  I think Mizzeruh will win, so the Tigers get the check.
#11 Stanford vs California Stan -31.5 Cal I’m throwing the points simply because that number is huge for the trees results so far this season.  If this was Oregon or UCLA or even Washington I’d probably take the points, but for Stanford to beat Cal by 32 or more seems a little much at this point.  California may be 2-5-2 against the spread, but all the wins/ties have come as huge underdogs.
#10 Wisconsin @ Minnesota Wisc -16.0 Minnesota I guess I haven’t fully learned my lesson for the Badgers.  They annihilated Indiana as I expect last week, but something smells a little bit like the hospital waiting room…that’s terrible.  I won’t say the Badgers will Jerry Kill the Gophers, but I do believe Wisconsin gets the win…Minnesota gets the check.
#9 UCLA vs Arizona State ASU -2.5 UCLA I didn’t put the Bruins at #9 this year with the expectation that they would lose this home game to Arizona State. The Bruins and Arizona State have that same unrivaled motivation of being the lucky Pac-12 South team to lose to Oregon in the Miss Congeniality of Conference Championship Games.  UCLA gets the win and therefore the check.
#7 Clemson vs The Citadel Clem -40 Clemson After watching Clemson light up the scoreboard against Ga-Tech, it is difficult not to see them putting up at least 56 on THE BEST TEAM EVER THE CITADEL IS SO AWESOME AND I WANT TO PICK THEM SO BAD BUT I JUST FEEL THAT 40 IS NOT ENOUGH POINTS FOR ME TO DO SO BUT I STILL LOVE YOU CITADEL!
#4 Oregon @ Arizona Oreg -20.5 Oregon I don’t really feel confident ever picking against Oregon and a sub-21 spread makes me almost feel a little nauseous…although Rich Rodriguez is the embodiment of everything evil in this world so we can’t be sure he won’t use his black witchcraft magical nonsense to beat this measly spread…where am I?
#3 Ohio State vs Indiana Bucks -34.0 Indiana Having been in Columbus I’ve heard it all week from both the television (my only real friend outside my laptop) and word of mouth: “[insert phony ESPN analyst here] is saying Ohio State is slipping and is going to lose to Indiana this week”.  Well, as the Bucks proved, this team isn’t Penn State.  I take Indiana against the spread only because I don’t think the Bucks will win by thirty-four…the cruise to a 28 point victory and ESPN calls it “surviving”.
#2 Buhmuh vs Chattanooga Buhmuh -49 Chattanooga Buhmuh takes it easy and A.J.T.J. and company are pulled at halftime.  The Tide win 42-0.
#1 Florida State vs somebody FSU -N FSU I still do not care who Florida State is playing.

Other Games of Interest:

Coastal Car. @ South Carolina S. Car. -34.5 Coastal South Carolina is going to win the game and we all know it, but Coastal Carolina is one of the finest 1-AA teams and as we’ve seen some of these teams are better than the middle of the pack 1-A teams.  Plus, the mascot for Coastal Carolina is everyone’s favorite rooster from the Canterbury Tales.
BYU @ Notre Dame EVEN BYU What if I told you that all of Notre Dame’s losses have come at home?  I’d be lying, but I know they got stomped by a mediocre Oklahoma team in South Bend and lost to an atrocious Pitt team a few weeks back somewhere.  I think that was in Pittsburgh…I really don’t remember.  I just like the opportunity to get a straight up pick on this game.



The Real Top 16

We’re about to embark on a journey, my friends, through the final 5 weeks of a college football season which may produce three undefeated teams for just the second time in the BCS era…even more to the point, we may have four unbeaten teams when it is all said and done.  It will be interesting to see where the dominoes fall and if Fresno State and Northern Illinois have the chance to be BCS Busters.  It should be fun.

#16 Missouri, 7-1 (lost South Carolina 24-27): I feel like the more hyped I get about a team, the more likely they are to lose.  I was excited about Mizzou’s prospects, after all, they had just muzzled Georgia and Florida.  With Crocodile Dundee (respect) smiling down, the Tigers fell to earth themselves at the hands of the South Carolina Gamecocks.  Now, no one can blame the kicker for the loss, it is irrational to ever blame defeat on one play, and Missouri’s defense muffed the game long before the ill-fated,  wobbling kick was rejected Mutombo-style in the second OT.  Blame whomever you want, but for now we can only point fingers at the worst coach in college sports, Frank Haith.

#15 UCLA. 5-2 (lost Oregon 14-42): The Bruins were in this game up until the beginning of the fourth quarter.  Look, the 28 margin of victory seems large, but remember the Ducks were actually favored by 24, so they barely conquered the spread.  UCLA was the first team to hold Marcus Mariota in check and further my argument that Mariota is in no way college football’s most valuable player (although jury still out as he has 0 interceptions).  The biggest loser of the game might be Brett Hundley as the question of who should be the first quarterback taken in April became a little murkier once more thanks to an outing more resembling a grade school contest than anything.  I’d have taken long graduated Mark Harmon over Hundley on Saturday…after all Mark Harmon is so damn cool.

#14 Oklahoma, 7-1 (def. Texas Tech 38-30): Texas Tech was never considered real by the brain trust here in Columbus, but we’ll give props to Oklahoma on beating the clearly AP overrated Red Raiders….so props.  The Sooners aren’t dead in the Big 12 race, but are behind both Baylor and Texas.  I’m sure after Texas did it’s finest “Get Mack fired” routine earlier this season you though the Longhorns worthless come bowl talk time…well…

#13 Texas, 5-2 (def. 30-7): Try as they might, Texas Christian was unable to have Jesus stop the impending beating, but our Lord and Savior managed to delay it 3 hours.  I was so high on Texas at the beginning of this season, and then the Longhorns laid eggs against BYU and Ole Miss…and by laid eggs I mean gave up a comical 550 and 275 yards respectively.  Since then the Longhorns have looked pretty damn impressive and hell might even sneak into the Fiesta Bowl.  When one’s to-do list for a BCS Bowl says “Beat Oklahoma State, Texas Tech, and Baylor”, that team starts to feel a little giddy.  Texas has been the emotional equivalent of a 18 year-old girl, but they might just be blossoming into a beautiful young women (it’s not weird because I said 18, right?))

#12 Central Florida, 7-1 (def. UConn 62-17): Any avid NCAA ’12 player might have been able to tell you the future of the Knights…well that person was my good friend Cenz who portended a team with quite a shitload of talent on the offensive side of the ball.  Well, the Knights outscored Teddy Under The Bridgewater before smashing in UConn’s extremely fragile faces this week.  The American Conference champion gets….ugh….an automatic bid to a BCS Bowl and that appears to be automatic for the Knights.  We always fear disappointment here at the RT16, but Central Florida should probably not do that.

#11 Wisconsin, 5-2 (BYE): You’re going to criticize me, aren’t you?  The Badgers have been steamrolling.  I wonder how those tough SEC defenses would fair, but we may never find out.  Wisconsin could be on the fast tack to an at-large this January, but it will need some help from the top.  There’s no reason to expect anyone to slow down the Badgers offense from here on out, after all, they already suffered their inevitable defeat at the hands of the Buckeyes in Week 5.  Expect total destruction of Iowa this Saturday.

#10 Auburn, 7-1 (def. FAU 45-10): Utter dominance?  Well, eliminate the fourth quarter and you have a very similar outcome, so yeah I’d so say pretty well dominated.  This might have been a Russell Crowe-Joaquin Phoenix type of mismatch, but you still have to hold serve.  Auburn goes to play at the Piglets and Bielema’s wife this upcoming weekend.  No reason to expect a letdown, but that’s what Va-Tech was so this weekend (#BOOM #ROASTED).

#9 Louisiana State, 6-2 (def. Furman 48-16): We’ll have to wait one more weekend for the return of College Gameday to the SEC (no doubt going to Tuscaloosa, right?)  Any ideas for the CGDG this week are both encouraged and appreciated (but we here in C-Bus can try to make due without).

It’s futchin’ halftime.  Time to relax, sit back, and talk about how funny it was that my Tweeter account for the blog was replied to by some idiotic Cardinals fan last night.  Moments after Berry of the Red Sox, he is no even important enough for me to know his first name….I think he’s like a poor man’s Billy Hamilton, stole second, I twittered about how Yadier Molina was overrated having a 100% stolen against rating in the 2013 World Series (this was the Sox first attempt at theft, see).  My main man Jeremy Tucker (@jstknxvol) replies, quoth the blogger, “@Yadamblog Sox have stolen ZERO bases while Cards have stolen 3 #knowthestory”.  Now, being polite and always encouraging of criticism and correction replied pretty mildly to the man’s blatant stupidity, but hey it’s tough knowing your a fan of Satan’s team (St. Louis Cardinals).  It just goes to show that sometimes you just shouldn’t be on Twitter, even if you’re only embarrassing yourself to 4 followers who are probably the same people who only talked to you in high school because you were the 1980’s equivalent of Steven Glansberg.  It’s refreshing to know that while I may have incorrectly predicted the upset of Stanford on Saturday, I am yet to try and call out a world renowned blogger on a sarcastic tweet while simultaneously being wrong about a game my team is playing in which is for the world championship of the team’s sport.  So long as my boy Jeremy is out parading around the streets of Knoxville, fighting the good fight, I know that I am not the absolute worst sports fan in this great country.

#8 Miami Florida, 7-0 (def. Wake Forest 24-21): Taking Wake against the spread this week was a fundamental call.  I would expect nothing less of Miami than to make this game uncomfortably close just like UNC a week ago.  The Hurricanes are limping into Tallahassee at a pace slower than Allen Craig’s jaunt to first last night on a ball off the fence…and they don’t even have a bloody sprained ankle.

#7 Stanford, 7-1 (def. Oregon State 20-12): Stanford did not just slow down the Oregon State passing offense, they…well no that’s about all they did.  Stanford “held” Sean Mannion and the bunch to just 271 yards passing, but it was the 8 sacks that caused the bulk of the damage…and 4 Beaver fourth down failures inside the Stanford 35 yard line.  The Cardinal and Oregon Ducks will play in the annual “Can Stanford knock Oregon out of the BCS Title Game” rivalry game on a bloody Thursday next week, November 7th.   It’s the only reason I feel confident in saying College Gameday will be in Tuscaloosa.  Thursday night game…what is this, The American?  C’mon man.

#6 Clemson, 7-1 (def. Maryland 40-27): Clemson’s BCS Title hopes seem so far gone, but it doesn’t need loads of help to climb back into the REAL race.  Clemson is mere percentage points ahead of Stanford, but is nipping on the heels of the five unbeatens ahead of them.  Only Florida State has reason to be ahead of Clemson after suffering a loss…since the Noles were the equivalent of a suave handsome man at a date party with Clemson playing the role of drunken sorority slut just a few days back.

#5 Baylor, 7-0 (def. Kansas 59-14): My scheduling in advance of Baylor’s rise in the AP has appeared to have come to an end.  The Bears might not be able to leapfrog anyone else, yes even the schedule-ly challenged Buckeyes.  “Help Wanted” is being posted outside the big ‘ol cave in Waco as Baylor sees one of the few National Championship opportunities the program has ever seen blockaded by four prestigious schools with unblemished marks.  Baylor has no reason to fear the upcoming stretch, but the trickiest games are the first and last with Big 12 stalwarts Oklahoma and Texas looming in those spots respectively.  I am portending a Bear victory against the Sooners this weekend, but I’m sure many lesser analysts will have the Bears on upset alert.

#4 Ohio State, 8-0 (obliterated Penn State): This type of domination has been a long time coming for the Buckeyes this season.  The defense was finally serviceable.  I think Braxton has finally hushed any Kenny Guiton talk, after all, he was an absolute juggernaut against what many would agree was Ohio State’s last difficult test before The Game.  If the Bucks could produce such a prestigious effort on a cold January night, many critics of the OSU schedule would be quieted.  Ohio State is still the least respectable of the Big 4 and just inches ahead of the ferocious Baylor passing game, but Ohio State can only beat the teams on the schedule, unlike Stanford, Clemson, Missouri, and Georgia this season, and prove itself come January.

#3 Alabuhmuh, 8-0 (mauled Tennessee 45-10): Buhmuh was one of the members 3 top 5 maulings this weekend and had perhaps the second most impressive (behind Ohio State).  Buhmuh appears dead set on making my life painful once more and winning a National Championship…REAL Title pending.

#2 Oregon, 8-0 (def. UCLA 42-14): Two things keep Oregon at #2: 1) We cannot be sure how talented UCLA really is.  The two big games UCLA has played this year are Stanford and Oregon…and have scored a mere 24 points in those two contests.  The win at Nebraska remains a bright spot…but Nebraska lost to Minnesota this weekend in one of the most disappointing moments in RT16 history.  2) Oregon wasn’t quite as dominant as you might expect in a 28 point win, and the offense will have to be better against Stanford.  Ben Hogan will be very consistent and the Stanford offense won’t make the mistakes we saw UCLA make late in the game.  Oregon can’t expect favors on that goddamn Thursday night.

#1 Florida State, (shivved NC State 49-17): The Seminoles are still the REALest team at there at this juncture.  That destruction of Clemson is still fresh in the minds of the brain trust and even costing us a win against the spread wasn’t enough to drop Florida State from the top spot.

College Gameday Drinking Game: Week 7

To Start:
Take a drink for each person not wearing a black suit coat.
My Friend Game: One person is designated “My friend”.  Every time Corso says, “Not so fast, my friend” everyone besides the designated person finishes his drink.  The last person to finish becomes the new “My friend” for not being fast enough.  Also, when someone says “friend” or a synonym, the “Friend” must take a drink. 
Pollack’s Bitch Game: One person is designated as David Pollack Bitch.  Every time David Pollack insults a team, player, or coach, Pollack’s bitch drinks for ten seconds and then passes the roll onto some of his choice.
Analyst Game: Pick an analyst (Kirk, Lee, or Desmond).  Each time your analyst is shown alone on camera, take a drink.
Signs and Flags
Take a drink for each Washington state flag in the background 
Take a drink for each sign referencing Chip Kelly 
Take a drink for any sign with the word “Nickelback” in it. 
The Samantha Ponder Game:
Take a drink each time Samantha Ponder is shown.
If when she’s shown, you think Samantha Ponder is a Smokeshow continue drinking until she is off screen.
During the show:
If at any point during the show, an analyst picks your alma mater or favorite team to win, finish your beer.  (If picked during Saturday Selection, you only need to finish a single beer) 
Make sure to continue following the “My Friend”, “Pollack’s Bitch”, and “Analyst” games 
Take a drink if Chris Fowler mentions “CenturyLink Field” or the stadium is shown 
Take a drink whenever your alma mater is mentioned 
Take a drink whenever your biggest rival is mentioned 
Take a drink every time Lane Kiffin’s firing is mentioned 
Take a drink every time “Red River” is said. 
Take a drink when anyone says “Apple Cup” 
Take a drink whenever Chris Fowler says “Meeshigan” instead of Michigan. 
Take a drink if Lee Corso says “Warshington” rather than “Washington” (including Washington St etc.) 
Take a drink every time Kirk says “Win Big” 
Take a drink every time Lee Corso says “Closer than the experts think.” 
Take a drink each time Lee Corso stumbles over his words.
Take a drink each time Lee Corso repeats something he has just said. 
If Hope Solo or Warren Moon is the guest picker, drink for 6 seconds…if it is anyone else, take a deep breath.
Take a drink every time The Bear is shown.
Perform the Saturday Selections.  Each time you agree with your analyst, take a drink.  Each time you disagree, take 3 drinks.  If you fail to make a pick, take 5 drinks.  (Desmond’s partners will be paired with the guest picker.)
Take a drink if Chris Fowler references the fans in his first sentence introducing the Oregon-Washington game, drink for 5 seconds.
During the Oregon-Washington picks, if Lee Corso ushers live Ducks onto the stage, finish beers.  If Kirk picks up one of the Ducks finish another beer…if the Ducks make no appearance, only finish a beer if Kirk touches Lee’s mascot head…if none of this happens you’re off the hook.

College Gameday Drinking Game: Week 6

To Start:
Take a drink for each person not wearing a black suit coat.
My Friend Game: One person is designated “My friend”.  Every time Corso says, “Not so fast, my friend” everyone besides the designated person finishes his drink.  The last person to finish becomes the new “My friend” for not being fast enough.  Also, when someone says “friend” or a synonym, the “Friend” must take a drink.
Pollack’s Bitch Game: One person is designated as David Pollack Bitch.  Every time David Pollack insults a team, player, or coach, Pollack’s bitch drinks for ten seconds and then passes the roll onto some of his choice.
Analyst Game: Pick an analyst (Kirk, Lee, or Desmond).  Each time your analyst previews a game, drink until his preview is finished.  Also, each time your analyst is shown alone on camera, take a drink.
Signs and Flags
Take a drink for each Washington state flag in the background
Take a drink for each sign talking referencing Ohio State suspended players
Take a drink for any sign about Pat Fitzgerald
The Samantha Ponder Game:
Take a drink each time Samantha Ponder is shown.
If when she’s shown, you think Samantha Ponder is a Smokeshow continue drinking until she is off screen.
During the show:
If at any point during the show, an analyst picks your alma mater or favorite team to win, finish your beer.  (If picked during Saturday Selection, you only need to finish a single beer)
Make sure to continue following the “My Friend”, “Pollack’s Bitch”, and “Analyst” games
Take a drink if Chris Fowler says “Ryan Field”
Take a drink whenever your alma mater is mentioned
Take a drink whenever your biggest rival is mentioned
Take a drink every time Lane Kiffin’s firing is mentioned
Take a drink whenever the academic standards/proficiency of Northwestern is mentioned
Take a drink when anyone says “Kenny Guiton”
Take a drink whenever Chris Fowler says “Meeshigan” instead of Michigan.
Take a drink if Lee Corso says “Warshington” rather than “Washington” (including Washington St etc.)
Take a drink every time Kirk says “Win Big”
Take a drink every time Lee Corso says “Closer than the experts think.”
Take a drink each time Lee Corso stumbles over his words.
Take a drink each time Lee Corso repeats something he has just said.
If Darren Rovell or Michael Wilbon are the guest picker, drink for 6 seconds.
Take a drink every time the fat guy with those dark sunglasses by the computer and sound system is shown.
Perform the Saturday Selections.  Each time you agree with your analyst, take a drink.  Each time you disagree, take 3 drinks.  If you fail to make a pick, take 5 drinks.  (Desmond’s partners will be paired with the guest picker.)
Take a drink if Chris Fowler introduces the Ohio State-Northwestern game with “And now the one these fans are here for” or a similar alternative, finish your beer.
During his OSU-Northwestern pick, if Lee Corso throws a mascot head or other prop, finish 2 beers…if hes does not finish beer.

Picking Against the Spread: Week 4

Picking the Real Top 16 against the Spread?  That and more!  Let’s get it on!


Game Spread Pick Info
Arizona State @ #15 Stanford Stan-8½ Arizona State The Sun Devils left me out to dry be not covering last week, but were lucky enough to get a win.  Stanford did not cover either…against Army.  Arizona State gets the pick, but Stanford gets the win.
Savannah State @ #14 Miami Florida The U-55 Sv. State Sometimes you just can’t hang with your spread.  Miami will roll, but 55 leaves me with less confidence than a bet on a horse named tripod.
Maine @ #13 Northwestern NU-30 Northwestern 30 points aren’t too much for this explosive offense against FCS Northeast.  Northwestern lost to the spread against a terrible Western Michigan team…but Maine is even worse…and the spread is even smaller.
New Mexico State @  #11 UCLA UCLA-42 UCLA I figure Jim Mora will take it easy with the starters with Pac-12 play on the horizon.  That said, I’d take the UCLA rec team against New Mexico State, so the second teamers should be fine.  Plus, did you UCLA murder Nebraska in the second half?  The Bruins will have 42 by half time.
Florida International @ #10 Louisville UL-41 Louisville I thought Louisville was going to squash the Kentucky -12½ last week like the proverbial huge ass hairy mother of all scary shit spiders, but pedestrian-esque got me a win by 14.  Teddy wants more Heisman points…and putting up 400+ and 5 Tuddies against FIU is a nice addition.  Back to Oregonian football for the Cards.
Florida A&M @ #9 Ohio State Bucks-51 Ohio State Just putting confidence in Urban Meyer to run it up a little bit this week.  With Brax on Brax on Brax making his return, Urban should increase his reps more than usual against this bottom feeder.  51 is a lode of points, but Ohio State needs a huge victory this week to impress pollsters.
Bethune-Cookman @ #8 Florida State FSU-39 Florida State I’m sure you’ve noticed a huge trend of huge point spreads…well the only REAL game with a single digit point spread is Stanford-ASU…Anyway; Florida State has to win by more than 39, don’t they?
Idaho State @ #7 Washington Wash -49 Idaho State Nothing fancy for Washington this week.  Remember that HAHA schedule coming up I mentioned in the RT16 this week?  Shutting it down early, Keith Price and company will be fine winning 42-7 or so.
SMU @ #6 Texas A&M A&M-28 Texas A&M It’s worth mentioning this game’s Over/Under could easily be 100+.  Run and shoot versus the Texas A&M offense will be quite a shoot-out show…Well, it SMU expects to outscore Ca$h Mon€y they’re about the weird kid from Jimmy Neutron level of idiotic.  Final score prediction?  A&M: 77-SMU: 48
Auburn @ #5 Louisiana State LSU-17½ LSU This is my favorite line of the week.  Auburn can score…and if it weren’t for The “Real” Death Valley at night I might actually pick the other Tigers in this battle, but Zach Kingberger is the hottest Quarterback you have forgotten…and Death Valley at night.
Colorado State @ #4 Aluhbuhmuh Buhmuh-39½ Buhmuh I’m not one to just throw 39 and a half out the window, but Buhmuh has not had that Appalachian State game Adam Sandler is always talking about to the bad Irish guy from L.A. Confidential.  The Tide need a nice break and need to flex their muscle…Colorado State is the sacrificial lamb…or ram…whatever.
North Texas @ #3 Georgia GA-32 ½ North Texas North Texas is not embarrassingly awful like so many names I’ve typed today.  Georgia plays LSU next week after two already brutal games?  Georgia just runs through the motions and wins in the area of 24-27.
#2 Clemson @ N.C. State Clem-13 ½ Clemson What in the name of Dabo Swinney is this spread?  Look, the Wolfpack managed to beat Richmond in Week 2…but said “Ah, Fuck it” to their 23½ spread: winning 23-21.  Clemson is slightly better than Richmond…I hope.  Unless Vegas knows something I don’t, Clemson is going to absolutely roll N.C. State.
Oregon doesn’t play, but I’m still taking them against the spread.

Other Games of Interest

Game Spread Pick Info
Utah State @ USC USC-6 Utah State I think Utah State might be better than Washington State…and you know that story.  If you ever told me I’d be taking Utah State over the Trojans I’d have said, “Yeah and Chuckie Keeton is a black guy”…who knew?
Tennessee @ Florida Florida-17 Tennessee Can Florida even score 17 points?  I don’t care what the Tennessee offense can do against the Gators D, No chance Jeff Driskel can outscore the Vols.  In fact, put the AP darlings on upset alert in this rivalry game.
South Dakota State @ Nebraska Neb-20½ Nebraska I just wanted you to see this spread, loyal readers.  Think Vegas is tired of Nebraska’s shit?  The Huskers have routinely made the spread a bigger joke than Andrew Luck’s neck beard…but he shaved and they lost, so now I’m the fool.
Michigan State @ Notre Dame ND-6½ Notre Dame It’s spreads like these that make me prepare for a long week of hair pulling and curse muttering.  The Irish could easily win or lose by double figures with Tommy Three Turnovers at QB.  Sparty can’t score…end of section.
Michigan @ Connecticut Mich-17 ½ Meeschigan UConn is 0-2 with losses to powerhouses Townson and Maryland.  Really just another “CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS SPREAD?” moment.  I bet Vegas sharks were looking at this to be a 30-40 pointer just a week ago.  Amazing what good Akron can do in the world.

Picking Against The Spread: Week 3





Texas Tech at Texas Christian

TCU -3½


TCU has beaten the spread in 22 of its last 25 on the road.  Gary Patterson fires up the defense, halting the TTU air raid.  TCU wins by more than 10.
Troy at Arkansas State

ASU -10½


Arkansas State is 12-1 against the spread in its last 13 games at home, but Troy’s defense overcomes a little.  Arkansas State gets the win, but Troy takes the pick.
Air Force at Boise State

Boise -23

Air Force

Boise was unimpressive against Washington.  Despite 23-2 against the spread in the last 25, Broncos don’t score enough and Air Force option kills clock.  Boise wins, but Air Force is the pick.
#13 Stanford at Army

Stan -28½


Army has been under the spread in the four of the last five.  Stanford shuts out the knights and gets a big win to Oregonize.
#4 Louisville at Kentucky

UL -12½


Louisville is 13-2 against the spread in the last 15, but more importantly Kentucky’s defense surrendered 35 to Western Kentucky.  Louisville wins 45-27.
Akron at #8 Michigan

Mich -36½


Akron has been under the spread in the last five games and Michigan has already slaughtered a better MAC team in Central Michigan.  Michigan scores over fifty to beat the spread.
Louisiana-Monroe at Wake Forest

Wake -3


Monroe beats Wake Forest in a game I wanted to pick just because even though it has no real interest.  Wake has been under its spread in 8 of the last 9.
#7 Alabama at #5 Texas A&M

Tide -9


Ca$h and company not only beat the spread, but are able to pull out a win at home against the horrendous Tide offense.  Both teams are 5-0 against the spread in the last 5.  Texas A&M wins 33-21
Tennessee at #2 Oregon

UO -25½


The Ducks are 17-1 against the spread in the last 18…and that includes some gaudy spreads including beating a 58½ week 1 this year.  Toughest test yet, but Oregon wins 56-21
Nevada at #10 Florida State

FSU -32


I like the Seminoles and I think they will win big, but Jameis doesn’t play in the second half and the Wolfpack put up a few tuddies against the second team.  FSU wins 42-17.
#9 Washington versus Illinois

Wash -10½


The Illini had an inspiriting performance against Cincy last week where the Bearcats were actually giving a huge spread.  Washington does not under sell Illinois, after all, the Illini have been over its spread in 4 of the last 6.
Vanderbilt at South Carolina

USC -12½

S. Car.

Gamecocks play angry after loss to Georgia and Clowney has first decent game of the season.  South Carolina is undefeated in last 5 at home against the spread.
West. Michigan at #14 Northwestern

NW -31½


The Wildcats are 5-0 in last 5 against the spread and Western Michigan has been under in 4 of last 5.  Broncos lost to Nicholls State.  NW is looking ahead to Ohio State yet, wins big, and gets the pick.
#16 Wisconsin at Arizona State

ASU -5½

Arizona St.

ASU is 4-1 in last 5 against the spread.  Wisconsin has gone over in 4 of last 5 when the underdog on the road…nonetheless, Wisconsin is finally exposed and Arizona State gets the win and the pick.

Spreads taken from

BCS Special Article Kansas State: Midwest Tebow

It is rare to have a player noticeably place a team on his back and carry the team throughout the season.  You may think of moments such as Kemba Walker in the 2012 Big East Tournament; however, there are a minuscule amount of complete seasons where someone can point and say, “This team is 10 games worse without this player”.  Even the Florida teams with Tim Tebow who is one of the greatest football players in history, the Tyler Hansborough led North Carolina Tar Heels, or the Chicago Bulls of the Michael Jordan era would have been very talented teams even lacking these stars.  Enter the 6’5″ humble farm boy from Loveland, Colorado.  He’s more familiar to the world as Heisman Trophy Finalist and Kansas State Quarterback Collin Klein.


Collin Klein was not raised to be a football star.  Hell, even out of high school he was not supposed to be a football star. ranked Collin a 3-star recruit, the twenty-first most promising pro-style Quarterback, and supplied no national ranking.  Basically this is saying, “He’ll be a decent Quarterback for a smaller program”…or “This kid is not going to lead a team to a BCS bowl”.  Welcome to 2012 and the world has somehow survived the proposed “Mayan Apocalypse” and the teams which were looking forward to not having to play their bowl games are regretting forgoing practice for revelry.  The 3-star, no-hope recruit now has to begin preparations for Pac-12 at-large bid Oregon.  Collin Klein came to Kansas State and was shifted from QB to Wide Receiver because who wants this kid touching the ball every play?  We want a true playmaker to be touching the ball every play.  This kid is not the athlete we want at Quarterback…he’s too much of a “football player”.  Little did Bill Snyder and Kansas State know, Collin Klein is the exact type of playmaker Kansas State needed at Quarterback.  Collin Klein is simply a football player and nothing more.  He doesn’t wow like other players around the country.  Klein does not posses a highlight reel with 40 yard scampers or 60 yard bombs.  Collin makes the plays he needs to make and nothing more.  You need a 3rd down and five conversion Kansas State?  Better have Collin run it straight up the middle behind the fullback.  Need a third and nine?  Better let Collin drop back and hit a receiver down field.  3rd and goal from the 2?  No problem, Kansas State will just have Collin Klein pound into the middle of the offensive line and truck his way into the paint.  Collin Klein may have only finished third in the Heisman voting, but he meant far more to Kansas State than either Johnny Manziel meant to Texas A&M or Manti Te’o meant to Notre Dame.  Texas A&M has plenty of playmakers on its offense, and sure another Quarterback may have not made the spectacular plays Manziel did, beaten Alabama, or even put forth numbers close to as amazing as Johnny; however, I think at least one man could have: Collin Klein.  Te’o may have been the emotional leader of the Notre Dame team and the best player on the team’s outstanding defense.  Unfortunately for Te’o, no player, offensive or defensive, can contribute in the unfathomable way a Quarterback does.  As great as Te’o is, he is simply the best piece to a fantastic Notre Dame defense, and a great defense cannot be built upon a single spectacular piece.  Wondering how important the Quarterback position is in football?  Ask the Denver Broncos or every Notre Dame team since Brady Quinn left.  Kansas State found out what having a phenomenal football player at the Quarterback position can do.  “The Tebow of the Midwest” made every play when Kansas State needed a play.  Klein was asked to not only to reside in the Quarterback role, but to become the team’s bruiser near the goaline and in short yardage situations.  Klein finished fourth in the country in rushing touchdowns with 22 and added 15 touchdowns through the air.  He contributed 132 points to his team.  The next highest Quarterback?  Tevin Washington at 114.  Klein was involved in 46% of Kansas State’s scoring (including field goals and extra points) and 66% of Kansas State’s touchdowns.  Collin Klein is not just another player who will be taking the field come Fiesta Bowl kickoff.  You can talk about Kenjon Barner, Marcus Mariota, De’Anthony Thomas or the like of Oregon’s talented speedsters.  Kansas State’s counter?  A bulldozing Quarterback who never kissed a girl until his wedding day and plays the mandolin.

BCS Special Article Wisconsin: Sanctioned Destiny

Rarely do stars align so perfectly for a team as they did for 2012 Wisconsin.  When has a football team played as poorly as the Badgers and garnered a spot in not just any BCS Bowl, but the “Granddaddy of Them All”?    Wisconsin has looked less Rosy this year than their previous two trips which both ended in losses to Oregon last year and Gordon Gee’s crowned “Little Sisters’ of the Poor” Texas Christian in 2011.  The NCAA has sent a quick backhand directed to Penn State and Ohio State this season…leading up to the first ever unranked representative in Pasadena since the BCS’s conception.


It’s been like climbing a mountain for Wisconsin this season.  It started with a #12 ranking in the AP Poll.  Two weeks later, Wisconsin lost to Oregon State and in one of the greatest examples of college football’s “What have you done for me lately?” mentality of the present day plummeted from the rankings and down the mountainside.  They began their climb back up by winning 5 our of 6 and seeing a #25 next to “Wisconsin” in the first BCS rankings.  Losing 3 of the next four left the Badgers at 7-5 (4-4 in conference) and third in the Leaders division.  The Badgers were back at base camp…staring at the summit from far below.  On the plus side, running back Montee Ball broke the all-time touchdowns record this season with 82 times hitting pay dirt.  On the downhill side, if one were to count overtime losses as losing by zero, the Badgers 5 losses would be a combined 6 points.  Including the Badgers 3 overtime losses, the average margin of defeat in their fives losses in still a meager 3.8 points. Every loss other than a 21-14 overtime affair with Ohio State ended with the Badgers three points short.  Teams have probably encountered such an unfortunate plethora of close encounters where a single call by a referee, penalty, dropped pass, or missed assignment may have lost the contest.  Wisconsin could possibly be 3,4, or why not 5 games better should one little thing have one its way.  But how did a 7-5 team get to the Rose Bowl?  There are two men to thank: Jim Tressel and Joe Paterno.  These two men, fantastic coaches and people, committed a common error which caused much ado among the NCAA trustees.  Paterno and Tressel both kept a secret from the NCAA and were apprehended later with their hands firmly in the muck of crimes past.  Tressel had kept quiet about his players selling their own memorabilia for tattoos and Joe Paterno had failed to report the child abuse scandal of former assistant coach Jerry Sandusky.  Because of both men’s failures to comply with the NCAA and report these breaches of NCAA rules, the Ohio State and Penn State programs received post season bans for the 2012 Bowl Season (for Penn State the sanctions are ripe through the end of the 2016-2017 season).  Thus, despite finishing third in the Leaders division, Wisconsin represented the division in the Big Ten Conference Championship Game where Nebraska proceeded to lay an egg.  The Badgers had fallen to the Corn Huskers 30-27 in Lincoln earlier this season, but ran for 539 yards en route to a 70-31 mauling of Nebraska…suddenly another low has crept into Madison.  Wisconsin Head Coach Bret Bielema has decided to elope for the SEC: location Fayetteville.  The Razorpigs gave Bielema a nice hunk of SEC pie and obviously Bielema isn’t turning down pie; especially when being given out by a University as desperate as Arkansas in a conference as successful as the SEC.   What’s next for Wisconsin?  Well, for the players there is nothing ahead except for BCS #6 Stanford.  For the football program as a whole?  You’d better believe Wisconsin would welcome Snooki to the sideline to coach the Rose Bowl long before Bielema is Jumping Around come New Years Day.  We’ve seen this same old song and dance a few years ago when an out-manned, out-motivated, and out-disciplined team had to play after New Years Eve: #3 Cincinnati was trounced by Tim Tebow in his final game for the University at Florida in the 2009 Sugar Bowl as Brian Kelly bounced for Notre Dame.  Suddenly, Wisconsin finds itself leaderless and will face one of the country’s best come January 1st.  Wisconsin seemed destined to reach this Rose Bowl; however, the odds are now stacking themselves against the Badgers.  Just as the odds of a team going 4-4 in conference making the Rose Bowl seemed to hover around 0%; perhaps it is sanctioned destiny for that same team to climb to the peak from the doldrums once more and win “The Grandaddy of Them All”

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