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Today’s Topic: 12/2/2013

Welcome to the war.  I’m trying to make this blog a bigger part of my life.  My friends say impossible, but then I remember I don’t have any friends.  This is the first of the new piece “Today’s Topic”.  As you may have noticed, there is much debate over the 2013 National Championship Game.  Auburn or Ohio State?  That “SPORTSCENTER CENTERPIECE” is also the issue faced by the braintrust today.

12.2.2013

Auburn Makes Its Case:

We’re from America’s SEX-iest conference.  The SEC has been the best ever since Vince Young and the amazing Rose Bowl of 2005…and what did the SEC just do?  Made you forget how unforgettable the ending to that ball game was!  Did you see the Iron Bowl?  Our spectacular ending was clearly more important than Ohio State’s!  I mean we played the #1 team in the nation which has won 3 of the last 4 National Championships.  Forget the SEC recent dynasty, that one is far more impressive…and we beat Buhmuh!  We have only one loss to a renowned SEC powerhouse in Louisiana State ON THE ROAD and have beaten, aside from Buhmuh, Georgia, Texas A&M, Ole Miss, and Tennessee!  Who has Ohio State beaten?  Wisconsin?  Michigan?  Buffalo?  Northwestern?  These are teams the SEC plays early in the year to pick up a most basic dubba-yuh.  You can say all you want about “24-0” and that jazz, but how many wins have come against even decent teams?  Twice against Wisconsin, one against Nebraska, and…who else?  Sure it’s not easy to go undefeated, but it’s even harder to have one loss against real teams.  The Big Ten are glorified farm boys trying on football pads for the first time.  I’d rather play a Big Ten team than have to match up against any of the known SEC “bottom feeders”.  We’re the best team from the best conference.  Ask any Heisman voter, the best of the best gets all the glory.  Besides, our athletic director thinks we should go…so we should, right?  Hahaha.

Ohio State Makes Its Case:

So you’re from the SEC?  I get it, we’re 0-7 against the SEC in our last seven tries, but we’re an entirely different team now.  We’ve been built like an SEC team.  Haven’t you noticed?  Just as your conference was 7-0 against a Big Ten style Ohio State, an SEC-style Ohio State is 16-0 against the Big Ten and when we beat Michigan State (ranked 10th in the BCS, by the way), we’ll be 17-0 and 5-0 against ranked opponents.  Unfortunately, our case isn’t made by talking about ourselves too much; after all, we can’t win if we start talking about beating Wisconsin and Michigan as you have already mentioned.  We have to talk about you.  First off, have you noticed how similar we are, Auburn?  We have the same style of play.  The only difference is our Quarterback has NFL caliber throwing strength and accuracy compared to your former defensive back.  If you’re team is so great, what makes you think our better offense couldn’t have beaten those heavyweights?  Because of the logo on our 25-yard line?  Also, you talk about how great you schedule is.  Not only is your schedule not unbelievably stronger than ours (38th compared to 63rd), but your “best wins” aside from Bama have combined for 13 losses (A&M, Georgia, Ole Miss).  Oh, that’s also 13 more losses than we have this year.  I guess all I have to say is your Iron Bowl and “Prayer in Jordan-Hare” proved is how difficult it is to win…we’ve done it every game this year.

From the Braintrust:

So here we stand, the braintrust made up of one blogger.  There are people all over the country arguing for Auburn or Ohio State.  Ohio State hasn’t played anyone…but they’ve beaten everyone.  Ohio State has earned the right to play in the National Championship Game by going 12-0, just as Florida State has.  The problem revolves around the lack of those teams “SEC” logo on the 25-yard line.  Both Florida State and Ohio State have benefited from weaker schedules than their SEC counterparts, but thanks to Florida State’s overall dominance, Ohio State has become the goat.  I don’t want to claim I’m all knowing or that I have he answers because no one does.  Only when the polls are out after this Saturday will anything be decided.

So, while you all have opinions and will undeniably disagree with me, here’s what I have to say.  Ohio State has earned the right to play in the National Title game by going undefeated.  There is a lot of drama contributed by putting Auburn 3rd this week.  Perhaps Auburn jumps Ohio State next week.  How dramatic, right?  It wouldn’t be dramatic if Auburn was already second.  The fact of the matter is that Auburn’s resume is not as impressive as the SEX-iest believers might believe.  Only two things can be drawn from the SEC this year: either the SEC is down or the rest of the country isn’t quite as bad as many have stated.  The eye test would tell us the SEC hasn’t looked great in any fashion.  This includes Buhmuh on a neutral site against a God awful Virginia Tech team.  Someone has to be watching and think “Maybe these teams who look dominant against Chattanooga and the ilk aren’t as phenomenal as we think this year.”  Auburn was 0-8 in conference last year, remember?  Many hail it as a great turnaround….maybe the SEC isn’t quite as good as you think.  Ohio State deserves a shot at the National Title.  If Notre Dame deserved a chance because of the NOTRE DAME brand last year; why doesn’t Ohio State, a team built on speed and offensive explosiveness, doesn’t earn the same chance?  Is it because Florida State isn’t in the SEC?  Because last year we already had an SEC team and this year we have an ACC team playing?  Was last season’s 1-loss Oregon so much less dominant over Notre Dame than Auburn is over Ohio State this year that the Ducks were rightfully placed in the Rose Bowl against Wisconsin?  I don’t understand the perception people have of Ohio State.  Ohio State is undefeated playing the only schedule they are allowed to play.  I hope there is a day when the SEC and Ohio State can play a neutral site game, but the SEC prefers to rest on its conference laurels and schedule horribly outside the conference.  Alabama’s game against Va-Tech and Georgia’s game against Clemson were exceptions, not rules.  Look at LSU, Texas A&M, AUBURN.  They played just as awful as non-conference schedules as Ohio State.  Give Ohio State’s its due.  Some believe Ohio State will go to Pasedena and get slaughtered rather Florida State or Auburn or Missouri or whomever is waiting.  If this is true, let’s watch the slaughter because Ohio State is the team who deserves to go play in the National Championship Game.  If Auburn can go and win the Sugar Bowl then more power to them too.  We’re wrong again.  Oh well…it happens all the time, right?  That’s where the BCS sucks, right?  Wrong.  The beauty of the BCS system is every game counts.  Even games against LSU in the middle of the year.  Because Auburn lost early, suddenly they deserve a title shot.  Ohio State has played the BCS System correctly.  They have won every game and that’s what the BCS system appreciates.  It doesn’t appreciate the best team (probably Buhmuh).  It doesn’t appreciate blowing out every opponent (Florida State).  It doesn’t appreciate last second victories (Auburn).  Auburn messed up the moment the clock hit 00:00 and it was down 21-35.  Look, no one here is saying Ohio State is a better team than Auburn (although based on what one has seen as the Bucks are like a little bit better offensive Auburn with a little worse defense…so there really isn’t any reason to believe Ohio State couldn’t beat Auburn).  All I’m saying is Ohio State has earned the opportunity to prove it belongs in the National Title more than Auburn has earned the opportunity.  If Ohio State is proven to be worthless and doesn’t deserve the chance…fine, give the Bucks and myself shit then.  Don’t do it before anything has been proven……………..Oh and we don’t even know what the scene will be following the Championship Games this weekend.

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College Gameday Drinking Game: Week 10

To Start:
Take a drink for each person wearing a black suit coat.
My Friend Game: One person is designated “My friend”.  Every time Corso says, “Not so fast, my friend” everyone besides the designated person finishes his drink.  The last person to finish becomes the new “My friend” for not being fast enough.  Also, when someone says “friend” or a synonym, the “Friend” must take a drink.
Pollack’s Bitch Game: One person is designated as David Pollack Bitch.  Every time David Pollack insults a team, player, or coach, Pollack’s bitch drinks for ten seconds and then passes the roll onto some of his choice.
Analyst Game: Pick an analyst (Kirk, Lee, or Desmond).  Each time your analyst is shown alone on camera, take a drink.  Each time your analyst previews a game, drink for 10 seconds.
Signs and Flags
Take a drink for each Washington state flag in the background
Take a drink for each sign referencing Al Golden
Take a drink for each sign referencing Bobby Bowden

Take a drink for each sign playing off of ESPN
Take a drink for each sign relating Jameis Winston to the Heisman
Take a drink for each sign referencing Nickelback
The Samantha Ponder Game:
Take a drink each time Samantha Ponder is shown.
If when she’s shown, you think Samantha Ponder is a Smokeshow continue drinking until she is off screen.
During the show:
If at any point during the show, an analyst picks your alma mater or favorite team to win, finish your beer.  (If picked during Saturday Selection, you only need to finish a single beer)
Make sure to continue following the “My Friend”, “Pollack’s Bitch”, and “Analyst” games
Take a drink every time Christain Hackenberg or Bill O’Brien is shown.
Take a drink whenever your alma mater is mentioned
Take a drink whenever the Florida State-Clemson game is mentioned
Drink for the amount of seconds you think are equal to the length of Paul Finebaum’s ears when he is shown the first time.
Take a drink every time a stadium is shown.
Take a drink whenever time Chris Fowler says “Meeeshigan” rather than “Michigan”
Take a drink whenever Desmond says “Home Depot Coaches’ Playbook”
Take a drink anyone says “The Doak”
Take a drink every time Kirk says “Win Big”
Take a drink every time Lee Corso says “Closer than the experts think.”
Take a drink each time Lee Corso stumbles over his words.
Take a drink each time someone mentions Lee Corso having attended Florida State
If Charlie Ward is the guest picker finish your beer.
Take a drink every time The Bear is shown.
Perform the Saturday Selections.  Each time you agree with your analyst, take a drink.  Each time you disagree, take 3 drinks.  If you fail to make a pick, take 5 drinks.  (Desmond’s partners will be paired with the guest picker.)
Take a drink whenever Fresno State or Northern Illinois is mentioned as a “BCS Buster”
During the Oregon-UCLA pick, Lee Corso ushers live ducks onto the stage finish 2Beers.  If Corso picks the ducks and hugs the real Oregon duck finish beers.  If Corso picks UCLA finish 2 beers.

College Gameday Drinking Game: Week 8

To Start:
Take a drink for each person not wearing a black suit coat.
My Friend Game: One person is designated “My friend”.  Every time Corso says, “Not so fast, my friend” everyone besides the designated person finishes his drink.  The last person to finish becomes the new “My friend” for not being fast enough.  Also, when someone says “friend” or a synonym, the “Friend” must take a drink.
Pollack’s Bitch Game: One person is designated as David Pollack Bitch.  Every time David Pollack insults a team, player, or coach, Pollack’s bitch drinks for ten seconds and then passes the roll onto some of his choice.
Analyst Game: Pick an analyst (Kirk, Lee, or Desmond).  Each time your analyst is shown alone on camera, take a drink.  Each time your analyst previews a game, drink for 10 seconds.
Signs and Flags
Take a drink for each Washington state flag in the background
Take a drink for each sign negatively referencing Jimbo Fisher
Take a drink for any sign referring Tajh Boyd to the Heisman
The Samantha Ponder Game:
Take a drink each time Samantha Ponder is shown.
If when she’s shown, you think Samantha Ponder is a Smokeshow continue drinking until she is off screen.
During the show:
If at any point during the show, an analyst picks your alma mater or favorite team to win, finish your beer.  (If picked during Saturday Selection, you only need to finish a single beer)
Make sure to continue following the “My Friend”, “Pollack’s Bitch”, and “Analyst” games
Take a drink every time the Georgia-Clemson game from Week 1 is mentioned
Take a drink whenever your alma mater is mentioned
Take a drink everytime Howard’s rock is mentioned
Drink for the amount of seconds you think are equal to the length of Paul Finebaum’s ears when he is shown the first time.
Take a drink every time a stadium is shown.
Take a drink when every time James Franklin is mentioned
Take a drink whenever Chris Fowler says “Meeshigan” instead of Michigan.
Take a drink if Lee Corso says “Wow, this kid”
Take a drink every time Kirk says “Win Big”
Take a drink every time Lee Corso says “Closer than the experts think.”
Take a drink each time Lee Corso stumbles over his words.
Take a drink each time Lee Corso repeats something he has just said.
If Brian Dawkins or Nancy O’Dell is the guest picker, drink for 5 seconds.  If both are, finish your beer.
Take a drink every time The Bear is shown.
Perform the Saturday Selections.  Each time you agree with your analyst, take a drink.  Each time you disagree, take 3 drinks.  If you fail to make a pick, take 5 drinks.  (Desmond’s partners will be paired with the guest picker.)
Take a drink time Oregon’s pink helmets are shown.
During the Clemson-Florida State pick, Lee Corso wields the Seminole Spear, finish your beer.  If he slams it into a piece of turf, finish a second beer.  If Corso picks Clemson, only finish a beer if Kirk touches the mascot head.

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